* JOKES

After Death:
Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in Heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"..............The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor in my time and a great family man."
......................The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and a school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
......................The last guy replies, "I'd like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!!'"

Wedding Jokes: 

• The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)
• I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)
• Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)
• By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates)
• A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. (Evan Esar)
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)
• I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake'. (Henny Youngman)
• At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'
• A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
• I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
• How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
• A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Who is there?
Three older ladies were discussing the problems of getting older.
..............One said, 'Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich' .
.............The second lady chimed in, 'Yes, sometimes I find myself standing on the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.'
.............The third one responded, 'Well, I am glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood, 'as she rapped her knuckles on the table. She looked up and said, 'That must be the door, I'll get it!'


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Come back tomorrow for MORE JOKES........................................